Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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