if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
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