nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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