my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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