then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
