It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
