if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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