Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
