Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
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