If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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