Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
