So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
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