Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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