So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
