I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Randomize
