If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
did you just send me my own nude
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
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