even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
