Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
