That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
