exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
vaguely remember the bartender stopping me outside last night so he could pull the duct tape out of my hair
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
