Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
