I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
