Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
