watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives�
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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