Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
