i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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