WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize