I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
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