As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
