Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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