I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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