And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
