I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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