She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
