I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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