Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
