Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
