update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Terrible idea I love it
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
