What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
Randomize
