its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
