if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
