Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
