my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Randomize
