I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Randomize
