My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Randomize
