I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
