The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Me too!
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
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