can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
Randomize
