she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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