My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
