I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I intend to get homeless drunk
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
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